Butterfly Fear

I've been thinking a lot lately about butterflies. Well, ok, not butterflies exactly...more caterpillars. For those of you who don't remember your 5th grade science class, caterpillars become butterflies. But before they become butterflies, they have to go through an experience that has created in me a curious sense of kinship with these fuzzy little guys. Caterpillars spend most of their early lives munching away on whatever leafy, green goodies they can find. Moving from branch to branch, they live pretty simple lives, other than the occasional scare from a bird or some other caterpillar-eating monster of course. But at some point in a caterpillars leaf-eating life, something starts to change. They loose interest in the leaves that had been their entire existence and begin one of the strangest journeys in nature. They become obsessed with finding the "right spot" and there begin building a chrysalis, a cocoon. Once their chrysalis is complete, the pudgy little guy climbs in and then POOF several days later out comes a butterfly!

A pretty amazing transformation (and pretty creative way to create butterflies too!). But my kinship lately isn't so much with the butterfly, it's with the caterpillar. Now I know caterpillars probably don't have feelings, or brains mature enough to comprehend what is going on in them, but indulge me for a bit. What if they did....what if the caterpillar suddenly found himself with this unexplainable desire to abandon all he knows and do something completely different (and quite odd to be honest). Is he afraid? Confused? A bit excited? What do all his little bug friends think about his new project? Do his grasshopper and ant buddies point and whisper "look at that crazy caterpillar over there...he's gone NUTS!".

That's how I'm feeling lately...a bit like the caterpillar. Confused, afraid, excited...and all at once sometimes. I mentioned in my last post that we're moving to Minnesota. Well, that move is coming fast...in less than 2 months now. But I have yet to tell you all the reason for our sudden departure. About 3 years ago I had the chance to go to Israel. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life and one that rekindled my passion for history. I've always loved ancient history. While all the other girls were flirting with the boy next to them on the school bus, I was the geeky one with my nose shoved into a book about Cleopatra or Paul Revere. Spending 2 weeks in Israel relit that passion in ways I didn't even understand. Over the last few years, much like our little caterpillar friend, I've been "filling up" on yummy history goodness. Learning more about Jewish history and how it affects Christianity (my particular leafy weakness). A few months ago, Zach and I started talking about 'what's next' for us. It had become pretty clear that teaching wasn't what God had for him, but as we were processing that, God had a surprise for me.

Through a LOOONG series of events, conversations, yelling, crying, etc, God showed up...and asked this chubby little caterpillar to get ready, cause He had a different plan in mind than she did. That the passion for ancient history and interest in Jewish/Christian history wasn't just a "hobby", it was about to become my life. That God was calling me into a new career path, one of a professor of Biblical History.

And so begins my kinship with the caterpillar. Before I can become a "beautiful teaching professor butterfly" I first have to climb into my chrysalis, to develop my wings. Ok, that may be stretching the analogy a little far. Nevertheless, off I go, to school. To begin a Master's program at Bethel Seminary in Theological Studies...hopefully towards an eventual PhD and a job as a professor (hopefully at Mizzou!). It's what I know I'm supposed to do and I know that it's where God is calling but still, I'm left wondering....is the caterpillar as scared as I am?