I can't believe its been so long since I've written! I woke up today realizing that I have 'slacked off' in my blog-keeping and was determined (I'm not calling it a New Year's Resolution because, well...I stink at those) to do a better job keeping it up.
So here we are, months since the last entry, and physically in a much better place. We were finally able to get out of our last apartment and moved into a small house owned and managed by one of the most wonderful people we've met. She has proven to be the complete opposite of our first landlord in every way and we now finally have someplace that can feel more like home.
I use those words, "like home", intentionally, because no matter how much we want it to be, Minnesota is not home. I was raised in the city (St. Louis to be exact) but I am by no means a 'city girl'. Living in a city as large as Minneapolis is not who I am. I always thought I could be at home anywhere, city, country, suburbs, whatever, but that is far from the truth. I'm a 'country-girl' at heart. On our drive back to Minnesota from Missouri last week, my heart broke at the thought of returning to the city. I loved the openness of the country (even if that country was Iowa) and longed to be able to stay in a place where I could hear nothing but the wind pushing through the trees or look up and see stars, instead of streetlights.
That is not the only reason for my 'heartbreak' on the way home. The truth is, I'm lonely here. I have made friends at school and always have Zach, but just being near people who know the real me while we were in Missouri has made my heart lonely. I miss relationships where I can just 'be'. I miss living in a place and working with people where I can just 'be'. Where my personal brand of crazy is known and accepted. And I miss people who are 'like me'. Zach and I have learned while here that Minnesotans and Missourians are a very different breed. We have a 'southern' way of doing things. Who knows maybe it's Zach's Texas family and my love of all things tropical, either way, we stand out here like a sore thumb.
All of that said, there has been a lot of good coming out of our time here so far, especially for Zach. I am beyond words proud of my husband...he has stopped and spent months asking the question, who am I really. The answer he found fit perfectly. As I type this, Zach is upstairs studying for the next phase of his life, law school. He's preparing to take the LSAT in the coming months and apply to law schools on the East Coast, specifically Virginia. Our plan is to move there in the fall of 2012 (I should have completed my masters by then). I am excited and anxious, I know its where we belong.
That, I believe, is making life in Minnesota all the harder. I love being in class, but it seems the moment I step out the door I feel sad, anxious and (for lack of a better word) trapped. My heart already longs for Virginia, a place we've only been once but already feels like home. When we speak of home now, it's Virginia that is in our hearts and minds. Its strange, but also makes sense. I told many people when we were preparing to leave that I believed God would either bring us back to Missouri or would place in our hearts such a desire for someplace new it would be 'easy' to go...and that is exactly what has happened.
And so we wait, again. It's a year and a half before we can (or should) move. I still have to finish school here and Zach can't even start law school until the fall of 2012...so here we are, in Minnesota...far from home. My prayer, while we're here, is that we find some peace...and that is my hope for the New Year.
